Be Kind... Rewind

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Help me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for the Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
     
"Hosanna"
 Brooke Fraser

It was at a Loy Krathong Festival here in Bangkok couple of weeks ago. I was sitting by the river bank of the Chao Phraya River watching people float their krathongs and light up their hot air balloons. The sight is amusing even for someone like me who's been here for a while and have witnesses this rituals quite a number of times. And if you happen to be in Chiang Mai, the celebration is spectacular.

Then it dawned on me. Watching people celebrate religious and cultural festival like this in Thailand has become for me a common sight. Elaborate but nothing so unusual anymore.... What happened?

It wasnt like the first time I was here. Things were so different back then. Coming from a culture shaped by anything Catholic, it was overwhelming to be seeing many Buddhist temples and Islamic mosques instead of the churches and cathedrals we have back home. Those tender days when I felt so much compassion for the people for worshiping golden statues, offering incense, food, and flowers at a spirit house to appease the unseen spirits, and kneeling before a monk with offerings to ask for blessing and protection and to make merits. The longing to let those people coming out of a mosque on a Friday know about God's ultimate Korban, in the person of Jesus Christ. Those days when I felt so helpless because despite my best intention, I couldnt do much because there are barriers to overcome - the culture and the language.

So I tried. To learn the culture and to speak the language. In time, with my adaptation to my host's culture comes the adaptation to everything else. Ministry has become more like something to report about not something done because God's heart breaks for these people. I envy cross-cultural workers who remain focused to the task, where living and sharing the Gospel is one the only one thing that keeps them in their host countries. Anything else is just part of the main package.

It was on that Loy Krathong Day that i realized I needed a new baptism of fire from the Holy Spirit, and a new baptism of compassion for the lost souls. Talking to my friend last night about going back to 1998 when I was being challenged about the task remaining and how we can take our part in it. To keep that call alive and to not become too familiar with the things that I once perceived as foreign beliefs, practices, rituals which desperately needed the proclamation of God's power unto freedom and salvation. And more often, it's when we lose our first love to Jesus that we start losing our love for things that mattered to Him.

Now, where do I begin? ; )

To The Ends of the Earth... Really?

We talk the big talk
On how to reach out
But we keep it to ourselves...



"Show me the Light"
-Sevenglory



I was playing this song on my music phone today as i was on my way for antoher visa run... Trees, and hills, and tall grasses, and sporadic houses against a gloomy sky. Felt like im in the middle of nowhere... Perfect scene to be reminded of how God has commanded us to go and preach the gospel to the ends of the earth...

Then i started pondering. Random thoughts passing through my mind as we travel. I have been in Thailand for seven years... maybe eight. Somehow i have stopped counting. Been doing this visa runs thing for like forever. I have thought of this a lot in the recent past... the last seven years, what have i really accomplished? Like, it was only the last two years that i have been really serious with improving my language skills. And how many hours each day do i actually spend interacting with the people? Does facebook even count? [I have this account that is mainly for my Thai Buddhist and Muslim friends where i interact with them in Thai. I realize that if i post in Thai then i get more comments than when i post in English. It's where i practice my Thai writing. Nothing spiritual although i sometimes post something that might trigger their curiosity about God and supernatural things.. But does that count as interacting with the people group?]

Then came back the number eight... I remembered reading from Dutch Sheets' book "Praying With Authority" that eight is a number of new beginning. Just as seven is the number of completion... If that were so, then this is my new beginning. The hit and miss, trial and error, pass and fail era is coming to an end. Gives me hope and something to look forward to. Mmm...

Then back to the Commission... The call to proclaim God's message to the ends of the earth... But at what cost? Seven years already and hardly scratched the surface. What an embarassment. Then i got to ask myself... How many of us God's people are actually responding to the call each day? That at this time of economic difficulties, how many are still bold enough to take the risk and go to where the harvest is ripe and plentiful? How many back home are still willing to send people to the field? And how many more unreached people groups are there? [Being in Thailand, i have difficulty having access to new editions of books like Operation World.] But even as those who are already in the field, how many are actually working towards fulfilling the Great Commission? Some dont even bother learning the language and culture well of the people group. Many are just content hanging out with other cross-cultural workers. Many are just content leading worship and getting involved in the local Christian circle. Those are noble things and im sure are acceptable services to our Father... But if the unreached are still hardly touched, then there's still something wrong with our "obedience." Dont get me wrong... im not judging or pointing fingers. My last seven years have been really awful. I guess, im just really evaluating myself. And with that, comes the realization that there are many other cross-cultural workers like me. Obedient, maybe yes. But faithful, that's for us to evaluate. It all comes down to this actually, in my opinion. What are we really called to do? Are we exhausting all effort, energy, and resources toward that calling? If we are called to reached the unreached, are we taking time to learn the language, the culture, and really take time to spend time with them in the process? How much comfort are willing to give up to accomplish the task? Didnt Jesus tell us to go to the highways and by-ways?

Sad that in as much as we talk about the Great Commision a lot, the gospel is till very much hidden from the very people we aim to reach out to...

See, i told ya. Just random thoughts that came across my mind while traveling whole day for my usual visa run... Maybe i should've listened to some mindless imstrumental techno-chill out music instead during the travel.

Living and Learning

i'm waiting for the world to fall
i'm waiting for the scene to change
i'm waiting when the colors come
i'm waiting to let my world come undone...

waiting for my world to change
-jars of clay



mmm... took me awhile to finally write the traditional blogger's new year's blog. i guess i finally got the feeling that it is indeed another year. new set of calendar. new set of goals. new set of hopes and dreams. and for some, new set of new year's resolutions.

this is the good thing about new year... it gives us something new to look forward to... to recalibrate... to evaluate what the whole previous 12 months that have passed has taught us. to analyze our progress. our growth... as a person. as a believer. as followers, disciples, and servants of Jesus. what have we become? what have we accomplished? has life been better? bitter? bitterer? new year somehow helps us make new plans... to look forward to something fresh. something hopeful. to forget the things of yesterday behind and press on to what is ahead. set the calendar to january and you're in for another year of new things to accomplish... new adventures to dive into. new dreams to pursue. or to puruse old dreams with new perspective.

last year has been kinda experimental for me... as i decided to extend my stay here, tried on new things. many things. regarding myself. my calling. my walk with God... new experiences and expressions of my faith. some have been good. some have been not so good. but it's ok. new year has come. my experimentations on some issues of life and ministry will have another run. and through previous successes and failures, i know things will get better. clearer. more glorious...

truth is, the year that was had brought me to a lot of new and interesting discoveries. new friends. new networks. new organization. new ministry opportunities... it was a tough ride. but it was worth the adventure.

after all everything is for God... everything is really about God. though i also have my personal desires and faith goals, everything in the bigger picture really points towards God and his Kingdom. so at the end of the day, week, month and even another year, it's really just a matter of being faithful. to God. to the call. to the cause. and whatever difficulties we may encounter, we can be certain that they are just part of the whole journey towards man's end... which is to know God more intimately and to take part in this Kingdom he is building until the fullness of time.

The Trying Times

If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall
And I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess

I'm not alright,

I'm broken inside
And all I go through

It leads me to You

I'm Not Alright

-Sanctus Real

I cant sleep... Must be the load of caffeine i took earlier at the tea shop. Went out for a breather. So i went to this coffee shop where i often hang-out either alone or with my Muslim buddies. After all, the area is composed of food shops and tea shops owned by Muslims, for the huge muslims populace in the sector. The four coffee shops packed with people as Manchester United was playing and winning. First had cold milk tea... followed by warm coffee as i play with my fone, facebooking. It's my version of getting drunk... haha!

Anyway, so at least i find time to write this blog idea that i have had in my cerebrum for some time. Things have been a little tough lately. A little mentally draining. Sort of... You know, those season when you feel like facing too many life issues... Like, just when you think you have overcome one battle, here comes another. And they come in waves... Intermittent. But for what it's worth, at least it's not constant. We are still given a chance to breathe... a chance to celebrate our victories before another blow comes straight right between our eyes! A time out...

I love telling of God's goodness... the miracles, big and small, that happen everyday. But i am not ashamed to also tell of my sufferings. Struggles. Apparent defeats. For even the apostle Paul, the super-apostle that he was, also mentioned a lot of his earthly sufferings. His thorn in the flesh [though we still wonder what that really was]. His sometimes longing to be with the Lord which, he said, was far better than suffering here on earth.

And then there was mighty King David. His Psalms are full of both declarations of God's mercy and goodness, and also his many sighing... His litany of hardships. Of enemies pursuing him non-stop. And of course there was these heart issues he had to deal with. If these highly favored of God, men of radical faith, werent exempted of sufferings and pain... how are we different?

I know, i know... some of us never really suffer that much. We have good health. We have abundant [or at least, sufficient] provisions. Good family and smart kids. Wonderful friends... We have heaven on earth. Just as God promised to those who would follow and trust him. Some of us dont really know the meaning of the word "suffering" or "trials." Of enemies of the soul... of thorns in the flesh.

But the same God also said that those who follow him will have various trials. Will be persecuted. Be tempted. Jesus told us to be always on guard because the spirit is forever wiling but the flesh is often weak. And while Paul talked about his sufferings and weaknesses, he also affirmed that in his weaknesses God's grace abounds. He experiences God's working power. His deliverance. His miracles.

It's not always easy... We sometimes cry to God for easy way out. For deliverance to come immediately and not prolong the agony. But God knows where he wants us molded. Broken. Strengthened. Sadly, God doesnt take short-cuts. And hopefully, our experience of different difficulties and struggles will enable us to relate to a dying, struggling, broken world. To a world full of lonely and desperate people we will be able to sympathize...

Hopefully. If we allow God to work in us, and through us... These trying times will benefit us. And the world around us.

Amen.

Time to sleep.....

Faith Like A Child

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing into the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
With faith like a child


"Like a child"
-Jars of clay

Jesus, in few accassions, has mentioned little children in his teaching about the Kingdom. He told us that unless we come to him like a child, we cannot enter into his Kingdom. But why did Jesus likened us to becoming like little children when we approach Him? I think the answers are obvious.

First, children are sincere. They only say what they think they know. It's been said that a child cannot lie. They say exactly what they feel. They havent learned of the word hypocrite yet. Although they dont sometimes know what they are saying, they say only what they have learned. What they have heard. What they have observed. As we come to the Father, we must come to him with all sincerety. Praise and trust Him with the pureness of hearts. After all, God knows every intent of the heart...

Children are innocent. They are pure. They havent been contaminated by human logic and reasoning. They dont know many things. They cannot argue or reason out. They listen to instructions and obey. Okey, some kids dont obey. Some kids are stubborn. But they are the excpetions to the rule. As we come to God, we must have this attitude of absolute surrender. We dont reason out with God with human logic knowing that our wisdom is just foolishness to Him.

Children are persevering. They believe every promise made to them and will never give up until they get what has been promised. Ever made a promise to a child? Maybe a son or daughter... A nephew or niece... A grandson or a grand daughter... And that child never stopped reminding you what has been promised? When we come to God, sometimes He simply wants to see how persistent we are. Like Jacob who wrestled before God. Are we persevering in claiming the promises of God knowing that He who promised is faithful?

Children are esily pleased. Easily satisfied. A donut. A trip to the park. A new pair of shoes will already make a child love you... Makes him thankful. Do we rant and ramble and complain about how God has been caring for us... Are we grateful with even the smallest blessing that we receive from Him. Are we faithful with the little things?

Children are very dependent. They feel secure when they see their father and mother around. They never trust strangers. They only trust those they know. They want their parents to tuck them to bed. They cry when they wake up without anyone beside them. They always long for the company of their parents. Their care... their love. Are we dependent on God's love and promises? Do we long for his care and affection. Do we long to seek only His affirmation like a child seeks only the affirmation of his eartly father? Or are we so dependent and secured of ourselves that we only need Him when our plans go wrong

You see, unless we come to God like little children, we cannot inherit His Kingdom...

Table in the Wilderness

All in all we're fading
Like a soul lost in the wilderness
We're cold and we're cut off from it
Not knowing where it's gonna end
There's a star in Bethlehem calling you
It's a memory of one made it

-Be
Kevin Max

Wilderness experience. It’s not a very pleasant experience. We try to avoid it. We try to run away from it. All we really want is to walk by the still water… stroll by the garden of Eden… where there’s peace and serenity. Where there’s stillness of the heart and soul.

For what is there in the wilderness? Nothingness. Dry and weary land. Heat and discomfort. Not much of life forms to appreciate. Not much of a picture of what life should be. No wonder anyone who is experiencing life’s toughest, most difficult situations call themselves to be deep in the wilderness.

But a wilderness experience is not all bad. Yes, it’s intense and difficult. There’s hurt and pain everywhere. It can lead you to doubt. Does God really care about me? Am I really chosen? Why me... all these pain and misery? There might be despair and hopelessness. But a wilderness experience is not all that bad.

In the wilderness, the Israelites experienced God’s miraculous provision. They just walked out of Egypt journeying towards the Promise Land. But first they had to pass through the wilderness. And there God showed his power and glory by providing food to eat and water to drink. By going with them as a pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night.

The there was John [the Baptist] who said, there is a voice crying out in the wilderness. Indeed, oftentimes we hear God more clearly… we experience God more closely, when we are in our most trying times. When everything seems wrong. When every circumstance seems against what we hope our life to be. When nobody seems to understands us. it’s when God shows his love and kindness and assure us that he understands us. Just as what the King David said… “In my distress I cried to the Lord, and he answered me.” Yes, in the wilderness where everything seems dark and dry and destitute, we can cry out to God, pour out our heart and we will hear his voice.

How about the Messiah himself? Before he officially started his ministry, he stayed 40 days and nights fasting and praying in the wilderness. There he was face to face with the Deceiver… there he overcame the temptations of the Enemy. After that wilderness experience he came out mighty and anointed. But he is no ordinary man, we can argue. He's a Prophet, Priest, and King. He is the Anointed One. That exactly why he had to go thru a wilderness experience. So he could relate to humanity who he came to help and save. So that he could experience and understand the many painful trials each person go thru life.

So what do these all stories tell us? What do they teach us? They’re letting us know that there is a table in the wilderness… That in the wilderness we can hope in God to provide us faith and strength we need to overcome our desperate situation… That in the wilderness we can hear the voice of God more clearly... assuring us of his love, comforting us with his words and promises, affirming us of his call, instructing us of his directives… That our wilderness experience is only strengthening us so that we can be what God wants us to be… His children and army… tested and purified… unshakeable and immovable… strong and faithful… ready to display His glory.

All we really want is a fine, fine life... where everything's a-halo and all you can eat buffet. But God said that who he loves he chastens... purifies. The wroking of our faith and perseverance. And he does that in the furnace of afflictions.

Do you feel like you're deep in the wilderness at the moment?... dont lose heart... Worship and stay in God's presence. It's only a matter of time that God will show himself and speak to your heart...

Confessions of a Cross-Cultural Prodigal

Do you feel the pain they bear...
Do you even care...

Sugarcoated Ways
Bleach



It wasnt long ago that Thailand was having political trouble which almost resulted to a civil war. It started in March and went on until this month of May. It was bout two weeks that the situation had escalated which resulted to extreme violence and bloodshed. It is not the intent of this post to talk about what happened, how it happened, and who were responsible. Instead i just want to write about its effect on me being in Thailand for almost seven years now. Thailand made big, disturbing, and painful news. And I, well I have never realized the depth of my attachment to this nation until all that had happened within the last two months. I have come to realize that Thailand has indeed become a second home... I followed the events closely. Visited the site where the demonstrators camped to do some prayer walks only to find out I was short of words to utter. I watched news on TV and read opinions on the internet... wanting to know what to pray for.

I have never been so interested in politics as i have a very limited understanding of it. But Thailand was under severe trial and as an expat who's been trying to learn to speak, read and write the language, understand the culture and adapt those which i think are appropriate or at least I am able to adapt, i knew i had to be aware. I wanted to be relevant... to be able to sympathize with my Thai friends. To let them know I was one with them in their confusions and fear...

That was what was surprising... how subconsciuosly, Thailand has become so much a part of me somehow. Doesnt matter if traffic is so bad and weather too hot almost all year round. [Ok, I'd be such a hypocrite to say that they dont matter... they do matter. But somehow, I am willing to ignore these discomforts if only to keep glued to the task... so help me God.] Cos at the end of the day, i know that at this point of time, I am where i am supposed to be...

......................................................................................
Then yesterday was a Buddhist holiday they call the Visaka Bucha which simultaneously commemorates three important anniversaries in the life of Siddharta Gautama, the Buddha: his birth, his attainment of enlightenment, and his death. As I passed through a temple going home, I saw people at the temple grounds... some offering flowers and incense, some listening to a monk's sermon, and others circling around the main temple for three times.

Then it hit me... how common such religious scene has become to me. Being here for years, everything... sights and sound... has become very ordinary. Passing through a Buddhist temple or Islamic mosques is like passing through a market or mall. Like nothing surprises, amazes or affects me anymore. Like I dont anymore feel the same concern that I have for these people as when I first got here. Numb and uncaring became me... Gone were the days when each visit to a temple or mosque would lead to a whisper of prayer for the people I see. After all, there came a point in my stay here when I myself seemed to have needed the same mercies and compassion like they do. [Of course, I still need God's mercies and compassion, along with all His other attributes everyday.. who doesnt?]

But God's heart for the nations... for every tribe and tongue, remains the same. That the prodigal [like I was] would come home. That the lost sheeps and the lost coins be found. That God's Kingdom would rule and reign in the hearts of men... in the hearts of the Thais. And we, the supposed light and salt, have our parts in this. But we know that already... dont we?

Devastation and Reform

Fear can drive stick
And it's taking me down this road
A road down which I swore I'd never go
And here I sit thinking of God knows what
Afraid to admit I might self-destruct...

Devastation and Reform
Relient K

This is one blog that is actually inspired by a song, the song that was quoted for this article. Normally, I would just write about an idea and then an appropriate song that I can associate it with just comes next. But the song (actually more of like the song title) speaks of common experiences of many believers so I thought of using it as an idea for a blog...

And as I was thinking on what to write about, the word “gremlin” came to mind. Then the movie. It’s about a cute, tiny creature that can become some sort of a midget but mischievous monster when fed after midnight. And it multiplies if it gets wet.

I know a lot of believers whose spiritual growth is almost exponential. Such are some of my friends, people who I work with in the campuses and the sanctuary many years ago. I envy those people. I wish I was like them.

And I also know believers whose growth has been like a wavelength that oscillates up and down, up and down, and up and down again. I am amongst this second group. Tarnished. Wounded. Defeated many times.

How does one hit the bottom? Why do some of us start out like a a mighty oak only to snap like a little twig? Why cant we be like the ones whose growth is almost exponential?

The answers are many and simple. The Book calls them the weeds, the rocky soil, the thorns, the cravings of the carnal nature, the self-destructing pride… the list could go on. These are the big and little imperfections in us that can serve as gremlins, mischievous and dangerous, destroying the spirit and soul of a man. The human nature wages war against the spiritual nature. It’s waiting to be fed. Waiting to plunge itself into the river of worldliness. Waiting to take over and cause destruction to the redeemed, sanctified soul.

So how do we get rid of these gremlins? How are the devilish gremlins in the movie conquered?… by exposing them to light. The gremlins freaks out when they are exposed to light. They can only thrive in dark places.

That’s right… the Light. Light dissipates darkness. Light can scare our demons away. Of course we know who the Light is... The Light of our Salvation.

No matter how devastated we think we are, there is reformation. God in his infinite mercy is always willing to take the prodigal back. Like an eager father waiting for the return of his wayward son. All it takes is a decision to cross-over. Sometimes it’s not easy. Sometimes we feel like we have gone too far to return. But it’s possible. And when it happens, we cant really fully explain how. Maybe we are simply the chosen. Predestined to be in a relatiponship with the Father. I think it’s what they call “grace.” Some undeserved love from a compassionate God.

Unsung Heroes

Have you ever played the martyr
Only for the reason of a prize
Can we ever give up trying
To be something in another's eyes

We're so selfish, self seeking
We're so desperate to be number one
So unworthy of what's given
What are we doing here... unnoticed

unnoticed
plumb

Unnoticed… that's what some of us are. We interact with various people everyday and many of them don’t even get the chance to know what difference has God made in our lives. Like we're just another face in the crowd... Im not judging anyone. I have been passing through life unnoticed for quite a while…

I remember my mentors, who inspired me to write this blog...

I remember a British man who took me to the mountains of the northern Philippines, introduced me to a people who were "reached" beyond the mountains because of the willingness of disciples like him to leave the comforts of the west to go the tribal peoples of the east. We had to walk up to the mountains for about 3 hours before reaching the villages. He taught me how to spot drinkable water from among the brooks. That was where I got to taste the most delicious water that I’ve ever drank. And that is no exaggeration. I can still almost remember how it tasted. I was like 19 then. His name is John.

I could still remember an American man and his family in north Thailand. He was instrumental in taking me to the highest places in Chiang Mai, ministered to the different "northern hilltribes" as they are collectively called, and the Burmese refugees in the mountain borders. I remember him inviting me to his house to celebrate my birthday with his family when I was almost alone doing my cross-cultural internship. His name is Craig.

Then there was this Filipino man whose passion was to reach the folk muslims in the south islands of the Philippines. He took us on an exposure trip, to have us experience an on-site taste on how it’s like to be with them, even just for a week. For the purpose of giving us awareness of a world different from our own. We had a water worship where we sang praises in the sea as a symbol of letting the sea waters conduct our worship to the connecting islands. I didn’t get the symbolism. I found it too charismatic. Too Pentecostal. Except that during our singing and celebration, little fishes gathered around us we could even scoop them with our hands. To this day, I still don’t get the message why God let us experience that. I didn’t see any miraculous significance. But it sure was amazing. It surely was supernatural… His name is Lut.

Then this recent mentor of mine. White skinned like my two other mentors. One of the pioneers of the work in the south of this country, among the descendants of Ishmael. He encourages me even without saying a word. Seriously. He doesn’t have to teach me or exhort when we meet. His life is more than enough to shame me of my complacency. Of my lack of passion and zeal to pursue the call… the call of letting Ishmael’s sons know that from the lineage of Isaac came the Masih… [Arabic for ] the Messiah. His name is… sorry not this one.



There are many more… Unsung Heroes. You wont see them speaking in big crusades or leading multitudes in worship or selling a million copies of their latest books or newly released CD… They wont be getting any prestigious award like the Noble prize anytime soon... They might not be getting any acknowledgement from any religious, social, or political clubs and organizations. Some of them i got to meet durin the conference i just attended. And im sure I’ll get to meet a few more along the way… Unsung heroes. Working where only the Sender sees. Whose reward is yet to come... When the Father says "welcome my faithful servant and fearless soldier."

..........................................
this blog is especially dedicated to a man named Dough, a mentor, an inspiration, and who i love like an older brother...

Dead Man Walking

january 1, i've got a lot of things on my mind
i'm looking at my body through a new spy satellite
try to lift a finger, but I don't think i can make the call
so tell me if i move, 'cause i don't feel anything at all

so carry me...
i'm just a dead man
lying on the carpet
can't find a heartbeat
make me breathe...
i want to be a new man
tired of the old one
out with the old plan

"dead man [carry me]"
-jars of clay-

i remember a song that was a favorite in my church way back in college. it's about renewing our first love to the Lord... of course, there are many songs with the same theme. but there were these lines in the song that speak true of us. even in the life of some believers ... it says something like, "they say you go wiser as you grow older... but all i know is that i've grown colder." [couldnt remember the exact words.]

it's almost the second half of january already, and somehow im only starting to really think of how this new year and new decade is gonna be. the year that was has been a little dramatic and depressing. there had been many ups and downs in the lives of many people, me included. many were affected by the economic distress. and the many calamities that created havocs in the lives of people and the communities they live in. typhoons there. earthquakes here. [i still remember how nasty and tragic was the flood that affected philippine metropolis then followed by another hit in northern provinces.]

then comes new year. and many of us somehow expect the new year to bring new hopes and new dreams. after all, new year is the time when we begin to renew our goals and plans. some like to make new years resolutions. resolutions to do better this time around. to forget all the past behind and press on to what is ahead. set the date to january and everything sets to a new beginning somehow.

but sometimes, things are easier said than done. a week or two passes after january 1 and you realize you're still facing the same struggles... you're still fighting the same battles... your dreams are still barely coming to reality... maybe even still a dead man walking. limping. barely alive. then you're enthusiasm and optimism flactuates like a flickering light.

that is life's reality... for some.

well... for some, life is like an endless paradise... endless parade of blessings and bounty. of living in cloud nine, far above life's uncertainties and difficlties. but there some of us who are still deep in the wilderness. still aiming to at least have a glimpse of an oasis. hopeful that this year will be a little different.

but really, newness of life, renewing of covenant, pursuing of dreams are not determined by the calendar. they are determined by realization that God is the ultimate authority in all of who we are and who we want ourselves to be... it's a continuing process, not just at every start of every year...

still, new year has its perks. it gives us something to look forward to... it's gives us a sense of new beginning... if only as a symbolism. it's like God is telling us, there's always a time to new beginnings... a time to forget what is behind and pressing on to what is ahead...

may this year bring us greater hope and greater faith to believe for something greater... something more divine...

Sleeping Thru A Storm

the waves are crashing down on me
but i know this cannot be the end

i will hold on to the hope that i have
you gave me a promise...

"you gave me a promise"
firelight

Imagine yourself travelling on a bus, boat, train or plane in the middle of a nasty storm. How would you feel? Will you manage to keep calm? Sleep peacefully thru the storm? I bet not. At least not for me.

Well there was a story when Jesus took his disciple to a trip to one of the cities of the Decapolis, to the city Gadara. And while on their way in the Sea of Galilee, there came a great storm that rocked their boat, literally. The disciples were terrified…. Trembling… Freaking out… (Now that sounds a lot like me eh). So they went to Jesus to see what he had to say (or do). Instead they found him asleep. Nice. Their boat was on the brink of sinking, being tossed by big angry waves and their Master was on the stern…Asleep through the storm!

And we know the rest of the story. And we know that Jesus commanded the storm to be still. And they eventually made it to the other side where the Son of Man did his first miracle in the region of Capernaum. By casting out legions of demons from a man who had been possessed by these demons for a long, long time.

When we are set to carry out God’s will in our life, we are most likely to face a fierce storm. Something to stop us from carrying out the Father’s will. Something to discourage us. Paralyze us. Something to infuse fear and doubt. Something to make us backfire our will to obey the Master and advance His Kingdom.

Storms come in various strength and intensity. Some storms can raise havoc and can be totally devastating. Leaving us homeless, hopeless…

The good news is, if we know for certain that it is God who planted that vision, that dream in our hearts… if we know that it is his will that we are about to carry out… Then we know that no matter what storm may come to hinder us, to try us, to intimidate us, to torture us…We can sleep through the storm knowing that God is in control of every situation in the life of the chosen.
We can be still and know that He is God…

Beautiful Strangers

won’t you tell me now
when did i see you in need of water?
oh, and tell me now
when did i see you hungry on the street?

God, i hear you calling out to me
in the voices of the least of these
calling me to reach beyond my world
to the beautiful stranger...

"beautiful stranger"
rebecca st. james

Sometimes we are so caught up in our own world that we tend to forget that there is a world outside our own.

Sometimes we think that the world our own private world is perfect on its own that we dont seem to care about the imperfect world around us.

About people who think differently from our way of thinking. Who live differently from the way we live our lives. Whose manners might not seem to be as refined as ours. Or who might not seem to be as logical and rational as we are. Whose culture seem to be a bit off track, laid back or even outdated. Who worship a diety who is in no way comparable to the God we worship...

And this is my point, really. Most culture are shaped by the kind of faith they have. culture and religion are most of the time so intertwined that we cannot sometimes tell one from the other. A certain people can be so laid back but that's because they have been taught to walk the middle path. To not go to both extremes of apathy and arrogance. Then there are those who appear to be so culturally militant and that's because they have been raised to be radical for their faith to the point of going to extremes.

And then there's us. A people who know who they believe and follow. We have been taught to be wise like a serpent and meek like a dove. We have been taught to be passionate about our faith then also share it in humility and meekness. To walk the extra mile if asked. To turn the other cheek if needed to. To feed the hungry. And clothe the naked. And comfort those who mourn. To show kindness and compassion and sacrificial love to those who think such virtues don’t exist. To be compelled by the love of the Almighty. Cause only by then can they know the difference. Between the lotus and the cross. Or the crescent and the cross.

There's us. wonderfully and fearfully made. Chosen. And there's them. Lost. Careless. But still beautiful in God's eyes.

There's us. Set apart… Yet being sent to them... Yes, to them. Beautiful strangers.

Are we gonna heed the call?

Yeah, Seriously...What If?

give me your eyes for just one second
give me your eyes so i can see
everything that I keep missing
give me your love for humanity…

give me your hands for the broken-hearted
the ones that are far beyond my reach
give me your heart for the ones forgotten
give me your eyes so i can see

“give me your eyes"
brandon heath

Seriously. What if God would indeed lend us his eyes for just a second? What do you think would he show us? What would each one of us expect God to show us?

His glory? His glorious presence? It would indeed be more than awesome to even just have a glimpse of his radiant glory. To experience what Paul himself experienced when he was taken up to the third heaven. After all, it is God’s utmost desire to reveal his holy presence, the fullness of his glory, to all his creation. That everyone would bow down to his Majesty. Ah, the glory of God. It is everyone’s desire to have even just a glimpse of it…

Or how about a true picture of hell? How it’s like down there. Would it make us more zealous and passionate to be a witness of his salvation once we have a brief experience of the pit? If I remember it right, the founder of the Salvation Army once said that he wished that everyone in his congregation would have a vision of what hell is, so that they would be more radical for their Lord and be more passionate to witness for him…

Or maybe the end times. You know, the End of Days and the Armageddon… those kind of stuff. What it’s like when the so-called end of the world comes. What would happen during the so-called seven-year Tribulation. And the judgment day. Who really is the anti-christ? (Ouch, it hurts my teeth even just to say that.) To have a clearer picture of what John has vaguely(?) described in the book of Revelations. Doomsday preachers would so love to see all these…

Or would God give us a tour to the unfinished task? To the unreached peoples of the world… The tribes, and tongues, and peoples, and nations, who are yet to hear the message of God’s redemptive plan. People offering food and incense to a monk or some form of deity to make merit and receive blessing. People making pilgrimage to so-called sacred places, to attain some form holiness, purification, enlightenment, or even salvation.

But really… Does God really have to lend us his eyes for us to see the hungry, the hurting, the heart-broken, and the hell-bound? We see them everyday… We pass by them. Or they pass us by. We interact with them. We see them on the morning papers. We see them on the evening news. We see them… with our own naked eyes.

So then, if God would give us his eyes for just one second… or a minute, what do you think would he show us?

This Beautiful Mess

im as eloquent, as an elephant
but as headstrong as the mighty king kong
on a rampage, throwing airplanes
i cant believe you haven’t gone away…

i am difficult, argumentative
im as thick skulled as the dinosaur bones
on a display, in a glass cage
i cant believe you haven’t gone away…

"eloquent"
sanctus real

I am eloquent... In a pathetic and arrogant way, that is...

In short, I am flawed… We all are. Only some people are more flawed than others. Humanity tainted by sin. Soaring in pride. Influenced by lust. Caged in envy and hatred. Bound by resentment. And all other possible human indulgences. Engulfed by fear. And pessimism. And lack of faith. I’ve been thru dark places myself. Thru dark alleys and byways. I have tasted poison and carnal potion. I have been a total mess…

I have spent my life in resentment. Resented how life can be chaotic and messy and difficult. Resented every bad decision I made. Resenting why the things that I want to do, those I don’t do. And the things that I ought to do, those I don’t do. Resenting the irony of it all.

Keep asking myself and my Creator, “What if…?” What if I pursued a different path? Would life be so much different? Easier? Happier? Betterer? ^^

All these questionings… All these quests… All these struggle. Will I ever find answers? Why would Yahweh, in his infinite wisdom lead me to a task that he knew for sure that I would screw up? Or am I even called to be here in the fist place? Maybe this, all of this, is just a product of my own delusion… If it was, could I ever go back? Could we have the chance to make things right? And if we could, where do we begin? When time has so passed us by already?

But in the midst of these mess and brokenness there is redemption. There is a light that sheds a canopy of colors. Light so bright it gives you hope. Hope to believe that at the end of a dark night there is a silver lining about to burst.

Like a tapestry still unfinished. Made by the Master’s own hands. There are flaws and imperfections. Yet beautifully and wonderfully made. Like Jacob who lied and deceived and wrestled with the Almighty… Is it even appropriate to reason and wrestle with our Maker? Yet Isaiah heard him say “Come now and let us reason together… Though your sins be like a scarlet, they can be as white as snow…”

Like jars of clay... still in the process of perfection. Messy. Dirty. Dirt, dirt everywhere. But when they get finished, they become beautiful masterpieces. Sold in specialty stores only the rich and the richer can afford.

So we know there is hope. Then you know that God is simply not finished with us yet… and even if we wont find the answers to some of our nagging questions anytime soon, it’s enough to know that we’ll get there someday. This mess we’re in. What we do with it can turn beautiful. What God can do with it can turn to something glorious. So cheers…

Change

put away all i know for tonight
and maybe i just might
learn to let it go…

take my security from me
and maybe finally
i wont have to know everything…

i am falling into grace
to the unknown to where you are
and faith makes everybody scared
it’s the unknown, the don’t-know
that keeps me hanging on and on to you

"unknown"
lifehouse


Change is inevitable. It’s the only thing that’s constant. Change happens in life all the time. And too many times, we are afraid of change. Because what if the change would be unpleasant? So we avoid it. We like the familiar. We like how things are. Change scares us. We are afraid of the unfamiliar.

We can learn from the experience of Elijah and how he faced a major change in his life. After declaring a drought as a prophecy against Ahab (or something like that), God sent him to this place called Kerith. There he was fed by ravens and drew water from a brook. He was Jehovah’s VIP (very important prophet). Life was good for Elijah. Talk about being fed by ravens with bread and steak. Talk about abundant provision of water to drink from a brook while everyone else was experiencing drought and famine. That’s pretty awesome! Until one day, something happened… The brook dried up. Just like that… his VIP life was over. He had to move out and move on. And he was even sent by God to a widow and her son whose food supply was just a handful of flour and a matching little oil. What kind of God would let his provision run out then send this prophet to a poor widow whose food supply wouldn’t even last a day? Isnt it ironic, don’t you think?

Change. It happens all the time. Sometimes when you least expect it. And it blows right in front of you uprepared. Unsuspecting. No warning shot or whatever. We don’t see it coming. So we panic. And we hide. We get scared to venture out to the unfamiliar. We cant possibly go to a poor widow whose food is running out anyway. Talk about recession…

What is your Kerith? What is that brook that you are clinging on to and almost impossible to let go? Sometimes God would require us to let go of the things that we dearly hold on to. To remind us that HE is our real and only security. That he is the source of everything we ever have and we ever desire for. To remind us that we also need to share the grace and goodness we received from him to others.

Thing is, Elijah has become reclusive in his little perfect world. With his brook and ravens. He might have forgotten for a moment that there’s a dying world outside his own recluse. Sometimes we get too attached with our own world, our own brook, that we forget there is a world outside our own. A world of hungry, hurting people. People in dry, dead places waiting for somebody to help them find the River of Life. That just as God has let us experience his love and miracles we also need to let others know of how great Jehovah is. We don’t hoard to ourselves the brook that he has provided for us. We share it. Or help others find their own brook.

Don’t get upset and alarmed over your drying brook. God gives. God takes away. We thank him just the same. Our brooks, whatever they are, are so temporal. Soon they will change. Soon they will dry up... There’s only one permanent... Eternal... Jehovah himself. Soon he will lead us to new brooks, better than the first one…

Change. We fear it. We avoid it. But sometimes, change is all we need. Sometimes change is a good thing. Sometimes, change is everything...

Compassion

There’s a God – shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching...
There’s a God – shaped hole in all of us
And it’s a void only He can fill…

“God – shaped hole”
Plumb


Not so long ago, a friend of mine asked me to go with him to pick up a dog from his friend. Actually, he just asked me to go with him because he didn’t know the way on how to get there. He’s a Thai... he has a car... he’s been in Bangkok for almost 20 years, but I know better how to get around the metropolis than he does. How weird is that?

His friend, whose name i didn’t have the chance to get, was giving the dog away. And even if I am not a big fan of these canine creatures, I could tell that the dog was an expensive breed. And the reason he was giving it away was because he (the friend) has been sick for more than a half a year and he couldn’t take care of the dog anymore.

Anyway, once we got there, what I saw was not a pitiful dog although he (the canine) seemed a little malnourished, but a guy who is more malnourished than his dog. Almost by instinct, I did my ocular evaluation of the sick person, just like the first thing that we do when a patient comes to see us for treatment…

A young adult, 23 – 25 years old, abnormally ectomorphic, significantly deconditioned… body is bent forward, gait is slow and forced, dry, course hair, tropic changes on his face mostly on his nose bridge and cheeks, teeth stained due to forgotten hygiene. Diagnosis is unknown cause neither my friend nor the mother could explain it (in English, that is). What a pitiful sight of a man who my friend said used to be a smart young man. He was on his way to finishing his bachelor’s degree in Culinary Arts or something. And now he has become a sick person who exerts so much effort even just to move around.

My spirit was struck with compassion. Compassion for a stranger who i got the chance to meet just because my friend asked me to go with him. Compassion because there’s nobody else in his family but he and his mother. I know I could help in a small way… give him assistive exercises to regain some strength, help him improve his gait and posture, pulmonary exercises to facilitate more normal breathing, and help him improve his overall ADL (activities of daily living)… Boy! im a genius! And that wouldn’t even cost me anything… just some time and a few bucks to get to his place.

I really wished I could extend some help but I didn’t know how. I told my friend to get the diagnosis so I can form a Physical Therapy treatment plan for the sick young man. He didnt take me seriously.

To this day, i still remember the sight of the poor guy. I asked my friend about him once. It seemed that they have moved to a cheaper place to stay.

But this was what really enveloped me… the fact that there are more people out there suffering from broken, crashed, and amputated spirits. Sickness… Poverty… Fragmented families… Broken hearts… Fractured lives…

Who can help these people who are raised in a culture and belief which teaches them “to be a man unto yourself?” Each person’s present situation, either good or bad, pleasant or painful, is a product of his actions, either from his previous life or his present existence. That’s his “karma.” You shouldnt intervene. Get your hands off him so he can pay his dues already… So he can have a better life in his next incarnation... karma sucks! Seriously...

Point is, there's a multitude of people out there who need the compassion of God in action. It’s just such a shame (even to me!) that not too many of the redeemed are willing to be God’s hands and feet. Some are even busy preaching fire when all these people need is just a bucket of cold water… or pizza.

The Game

Oh my God here I go again
Jumping off this platform to another end
Oh my God, see me going deep
Wont you take these millstones from around my feet
And it's a tragedy, this state I'm in

Why'd you choose me when you knew I wasn't tough enough
Why'd you send me when you knew I would run
Why'd you put me into places that I didn't want
Why'd you call me when you knew I'd hang up…

“The Platform”
Kevin Max (formerly of dc talk)


The game... They say a person either has what it takes to play, or they don’t. My mother was one of the greats. Me on the other hand, i'm kinda… screwed.

O.k... Cut! That was not from me. That was the opening narration of the very first episode of Grey’s Anatomy when the five new doctors joined the tough arena of surgical internship program at Seattle Grace Hospital. And that’s exactly what I want to write about. No... not Grey’s Anatomy. The game…

When we hear of “game”, we think about its negative interpretations. Love is not a game that two people play. Life is not like joining a game that you’d quit on if you get tired. But a game can also have its positive interpretations. Think about NBA. Or the Euro Football League. Or the Olympic games. These are no ordinary games. Athletes of these kinds of game get into strict training, investing a lot of time, energy and money. (Well of course they get more money in return… and along with it, stardom.)

Our calling is also kind of a game that our Leader gets us into. And with that, he expects us to get into it seriously. To invest our time, effort, and well, money… But unlike athletes, our reward goes far more than just riches. We might not even get to see tangible rewards, except for the fact that we know our Master is pleased with our little sacrifices. But just like Meredith Grey, I kinda screwed it.

But my season in the wilderness is nearly over. Yeah, wilderness… whatever you want to call it. That’s kinda ironic. Because the last season was kinda great, actually. I worked hard. I got to get some of the things I wanted. I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. But there was no sense of fulfillment. Dry. Depressing. Dead. A cloud without water. Tree without fruit.

Funny thing is, God has his way of sneaking up on us. And when we realize that the world has really nothing much to offer, all we can do really is to heed the call and get back to the game. After all, time and time again, it’s been proven that the calling is irrevocable.

All I really want is to get right, so I wont get left. But each time I do that, the calling always just follows along. It’s like shadow that cannot be avoided each time a light shines on us. The only way to keep that shadow from following us is to stay in darkness. But we can only stay in the dark for so long. Sooner or later, we will long for the light. Like a moth to a flame, we too get attracted to the Light. And the other people out there who are still in the dark… well, many of them want to be in the light too. They just don’t know how…