Living and Learning

i'm waiting for the world to fall
i'm waiting for the scene to change
i'm waiting when the colors come
i'm waiting to let my world come undone...

waiting for my world to change
-jars of clay



mmm... took me awhile to finally write the traditional blogger's new year's blog. i guess i finally got the feeling that it is indeed another year. new set of calendar. new set of goals. new set of hopes and dreams. and for some, new set of new year's resolutions.

this is the good thing about new year... it gives us something new to look forward to... to recalibrate... to evaluate what the whole previous 12 months that have passed has taught us. to analyze our progress. our growth... as a person. as a believer. as followers, disciples, and servants of Jesus. what have we become? what have we accomplished? has life been better? bitter? bitterer? new year somehow helps us make new plans... to look forward to something fresh. something hopeful. to forget the things of yesterday behind and press on to what is ahead. set the calendar to january and you're in for another year of new things to accomplish... new adventures to dive into. new dreams to pursue. or to puruse old dreams with new perspective.

last year has been kinda experimental for me... as i decided to extend my stay here, tried on new things. many things. regarding myself. my calling. my walk with God... new experiences and expressions of my faith. some have been good. some have been not so good. but it's ok. new year has come. my experimentations on some issues of life and ministry will have another run. and through previous successes and failures, i know things will get better. clearer. more glorious...

truth is, the year that was had brought me to a lot of new and interesting discoveries. new friends. new networks. new organization. new ministry opportunities... it was a tough ride. but it was worth the adventure.

after all everything is for God... everything is really about God. though i also have my personal desires and faith goals, everything in the bigger picture really points towards God and his Kingdom. so at the end of the day, week, month and even another year, it's really just a matter of being faithful. to God. to the call. to the cause. and whatever difficulties we may encounter, we can be certain that they are just part of the whole journey towards man's end... which is to know God more intimately and to take part in this Kingdom he is building until the fullness of time.

Dead Man Walking

january 1, i've got a lot of things on my mind
i'm looking at my body through a new spy satellite
try to lift a finger, but I don't think i can make the call
so tell me if i move, 'cause i don't feel anything at all

so carry me...
i'm just a dead man
lying on the carpet
can't find a heartbeat
make me breathe...
i want to be a new man
tired of the old one
out with the old plan

"dead man [carry me]"
-jars of clay-

i remember a song that was a favorite in my church way back in college. it's about renewing our first love to the Lord... of course, there are many songs with the same theme. but there were these lines in the song that speak true of us. even in the life of some believers ... it says something like, "they say you go wiser as you grow older... but all i know is that i've grown colder." [couldnt remember the exact words.]

it's almost the second half of january already, and somehow im only starting to really think of how this new year and new decade is gonna be. the year that was has been a little dramatic and depressing. there had been many ups and downs in the lives of many people, me included. many were affected by the economic distress. and the many calamities that created havocs in the lives of people and the communities they live in. typhoons there. earthquakes here. [i still remember how nasty and tragic was the flood that affected philippine metropolis then followed by another hit in northern provinces.]

then comes new year. and many of us somehow expect the new year to bring new hopes and new dreams. after all, new year is the time when we begin to renew our goals and plans. some like to make new years resolutions. resolutions to do better this time around. to forget all the past behind and press on to what is ahead. set the date to january and everything sets to a new beginning somehow.

but sometimes, things are easier said than done. a week or two passes after january 1 and you realize you're still facing the same struggles... you're still fighting the same battles... your dreams are still barely coming to reality... maybe even still a dead man walking. limping. barely alive. then you're enthusiasm and optimism flactuates like a flickering light.

that is life's reality... for some.

well... for some, life is like an endless paradise... endless parade of blessings and bounty. of living in cloud nine, far above life's uncertainties and difficlties. but there some of us who are still deep in the wilderness. still aiming to at least have a glimpse of an oasis. hopeful that this year will be a little different.

but really, newness of life, renewing of covenant, pursuing of dreams are not determined by the calendar. they are determined by realization that God is the ultimate authority in all of who we are and who we want ourselves to be... it's a continuing process, not just at every start of every year...

still, new year has its perks. it gives us something to look forward to... it's gives us a sense of new beginning... if only as a symbolism. it's like God is telling us, there's always a time to new beginnings... a time to forget what is behind and pressing on to what is ahead...

may this year bring us greater hope and greater faith to believe for something greater... something more divine...