Living and Learning

i'm waiting for the world to fall
i'm waiting for the scene to change
i'm waiting when the colors come
i'm waiting to let my world come undone...

waiting for my world to change
-jars of clay



mmm... took me awhile to finally write the traditional blogger's new year's blog. i guess i finally got the feeling that it is indeed another year. new set of calendar. new set of goals. new set of hopes and dreams. and for some, new set of new year's resolutions.

this is the good thing about new year... it gives us something new to look forward to... to recalibrate... to evaluate what the whole previous 12 months that have passed has taught us. to analyze our progress. our growth... as a person. as a believer. as followers, disciples, and servants of Jesus. what have we become? what have we accomplished? has life been better? bitter? bitterer? new year somehow helps us make new plans... to look forward to something fresh. something hopeful. to forget the things of yesterday behind and press on to what is ahead. set the calendar to january and you're in for another year of new things to accomplish... new adventures to dive into. new dreams to pursue. or to puruse old dreams with new perspective.

last year has been kinda experimental for me... as i decided to extend my stay here, tried on new things. many things. regarding myself. my calling. my walk with God... new experiences and expressions of my faith. some have been good. some have been not so good. but it's ok. new year has come. my experimentations on some issues of life and ministry will have another run. and through previous successes and failures, i know things will get better. clearer. more glorious...

truth is, the year that was had brought me to a lot of new and interesting discoveries. new friends. new networks. new organization. new ministry opportunities... it was a tough ride. but it was worth the adventure.

after all everything is for God... everything is really about God. though i also have my personal desires and faith goals, everything in the bigger picture really points towards God and his Kingdom. so at the end of the day, week, month and even another year, it's really just a matter of being faithful. to God. to the call. to the cause. and whatever difficulties we may encounter, we can be certain that they are just part of the whole journey towards man's end... which is to know God more intimately and to take part in this Kingdom he is building until the fullness of time.

The Trying Times

If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall
And I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess

I'm not alright,

I'm broken inside
And all I go through

It leads me to You

I'm Not Alright

-Sanctus Real

I cant sleep... Must be the load of caffeine i took earlier at the tea shop. Went out for a breather. So i went to this coffee shop where i often hang-out either alone or with my Muslim buddies. After all, the area is composed of food shops and tea shops owned by Muslims, for the huge muslims populace in the sector. The four coffee shops packed with people as Manchester United was playing and winning. First had cold milk tea... followed by warm coffee as i play with my fone, facebooking. It's my version of getting drunk... haha!

Anyway, so at least i find time to write this blog idea that i have had in my cerebrum for some time. Things have been a little tough lately. A little mentally draining. Sort of... You know, those season when you feel like facing too many life issues... Like, just when you think you have overcome one battle, here comes another. And they come in waves... Intermittent. But for what it's worth, at least it's not constant. We are still given a chance to breathe... a chance to celebrate our victories before another blow comes straight right between our eyes! A time out...

I love telling of God's goodness... the miracles, big and small, that happen everyday. But i am not ashamed to also tell of my sufferings. Struggles. Apparent defeats. For even the apostle Paul, the super-apostle that he was, also mentioned a lot of his earthly sufferings. His thorn in the flesh [though we still wonder what that really was]. His sometimes longing to be with the Lord which, he said, was far better than suffering here on earth.

And then there was mighty King David. His Psalms are full of both declarations of God's mercy and goodness, and also his many sighing... His litany of hardships. Of enemies pursuing him non-stop. And of course there was these heart issues he had to deal with. If these highly favored of God, men of radical faith, werent exempted of sufferings and pain... how are we different?

I know, i know... some of us never really suffer that much. We have good health. We have abundant [or at least, sufficient] provisions. Good family and smart kids. Wonderful friends... We have heaven on earth. Just as God promised to those who would follow and trust him. Some of us dont really know the meaning of the word "suffering" or "trials." Of enemies of the soul... of thorns in the flesh.

But the same God also said that those who follow him will have various trials. Will be persecuted. Be tempted. Jesus told us to be always on guard because the spirit is forever wiling but the flesh is often weak. And while Paul talked about his sufferings and weaknesses, he also affirmed that in his weaknesses God's grace abounds. He experiences God's working power. His deliverance. His miracles.

It's not always easy... We sometimes cry to God for easy way out. For deliverance to come immediately and not prolong the agony. But God knows where he wants us molded. Broken. Strengthened. Sadly, God doesnt take short-cuts. And hopefully, our experience of different difficulties and struggles will enable us to relate to a dying, struggling, broken world. To a world full of lonely and desperate people we will be able to sympathize...

Hopefully. If we allow God to work in us, and through us... These trying times will benefit us. And the world around us.

Amen.

Time to sleep.....

Faith Like A Child

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing into the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
With faith like a child


"Like a child"
-Jars of clay

Jesus, in few accassions, has mentioned little children in his teaching about the Kingdom. He told us that unless we come to him like a child, we cannot enter into his Kingdom. But why did Jesus likened us to becoming like little children when we approach Him? I think the answers are obvious.

First, children are sincere. They only say what they think they know. It's been said that a child cannot lie. They say exactly what they feel. They havent learned of the word hypocrite yet. Although they dont sometimes know what they are saying, they say only what they have learned. What they have heard. What they have observed. As we come to the Father, we must come to him with all sincerety. Praise and trust Him with the pureness of hearts. After all, God knows every intent of the heart...

Children are innocent. They are pure. They havent been contaminated by human logic and reasoning. They dont know many things. They cannot argue or reason out. They listen to instructions and obey. Okey, some kids dont obey. Some kids are stubborn. But they are the excpetions to the rule. As we come to God, we must have this attitude of absolute surrender. We dont reason out with God with human logic knowing that our wisdom is just foolishness to Him.

Children are persevering. They believe every promise made to them and will never give up until they get what has been promised. Ever made a promise to a child? Maybe a son or daughter... A nephew or niece... A grandson or a grand daughter... And that child never stopped reminding you what has been promised? When we come to God, sometimes He simply wants to see how persistent we are. Like Jacob who wrestled before God. Are we persevering in claiming the promises of God knowing that He who promised is faithful?

Children are esily pleased. Easily satisfied. A donut. A trip to the park. A new pair of shoes will already make a child love you... Makes him thankful. Do we rant and ramble and complain about how God has been caring for us... Are we grateful with even the smallest blessing that we receive from Him. Are we faithful with the little things?

Children are very dependent. They feel secure when they see their father and mother around. They never trust strangers. They only trust those they know. They want their parents to tuck them to bed. They cry when they wake up without anyone beside them. They always long for the company of their parents. Their care... their love. Are we dependent on God's love and promises? Do we long for his care and affection. Do we long to seek only His affirmation like a child seeks only the affirmation of his eartly father? Or are we so dependent and secured of ourselves that we only need Him when our plans go wrong

You see, unless we come to God like little children, we cannot inherit His Kingdom...

Table in the Wilderness

All in all we're fading
Like a soul lost in the wilderness
We're cold and we're cut off from it
Not knowing where it's gonna end
There's a star in Bethlehem calling you
It's a memory of one made it

-Be
Kevin Max

Wilderness experience. It’s not a very pleasant experience. We try to avoid it. We try to run away from it. All we really want is to walk by the still water… stroll by the garden of Eden… where there’s peace and serenity. Where there’s stillness of the heart and soul.

For what is there in the wilderness? Nothingness. Dry and weary land. Heat and discomfort. Not much of life forms to appreciate. Not much of a picture of what life should be. No wonder anyone who is experiencing life’s toughest, most difficult situations call themselves to be deep in the wilderness.

But a wilderness experience is not all bad. Yes, it’s intense and difficult. There’s hurt and pain everywhere. It can lead you to doubt. Does God really care about me? Am I really chosen? Why me... all these pain and misery? There might be despair and hopelessness. But a wilderness experience is not all that bad.

In the wilderness, the Israelites experienced God’s miraculous provision. They just walked out of Egypt journeying towards the Promise Land. But first they had to pass through the wilderness. And there God showed his power and glory by providing food to eat and water to drink. By going with them as a pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night.

The there was John [the Baptist] who said, there is a voice crying out in the wilderness. Indeed, oftentimes we hear God more clearly… we experience God more closely, when we are in our most trying times. When everything seems wrong. When every circumstance seems against what we hope our life to be. When nobody seems to understands us. it’s when God shows his love and kindness and assure us that he understands us. Just as what the King David said… “In my distress I cried to the Lord, and he answered me.” Yes, in the wilderness where everything seems dark and dry and destitute, we can cry out to God, pour out our heart and we will hear his voice.

How about the Messiah himself? Before he officially started his ministry, he stayed 40 days and nights fasting and praying in the wilderness. There he was face to face with the Deceiver… there he overcame the temptations of the Enemy. After that wilderness experience he came out mighty and anointed. But he is no ordinary man, we can argue. He's a Prophet, Priest, and King. He is the Anointed One. That exactly why he had to go thru a wilderness experience. So he could relate to humanity who he came to help and save. So that he could experience and understand the many painful trials each person go thru life.

So what do these all stories tell us? What do they teach us? They’re letting us know that there is a table in the wilderness… That in the wilderness we can hope in God to provide us faith and strength we need to overcome our desperate situation… That in the wilderness we can hear the voice of God more clearly... assuring us of his love, comforting us with his words and promises, affirming us of his call, instructing us of his directives… That our wilderness experience is only strengthening us so that we can be what God wants us to be… His children and army… tested and purified… unshakeable and immovable… strong and faithful… ready to display His glory.

All we really want is a fine, fine life... where everything's a-halo and all you can eat buffet. But God said that who he loves he chastens... purifies. The wroking of our faith and perseverance. And he does that in the furnace of afflictions.

Do you feel like you're deep in the wilderness at the moment?... dont lose heart... Worship and stay in God's presence. It's only a matter of time that God will show himself and speak to your heart...

Confessions of a Cross-Cultural Prodigal

Do you feel the pain they bear...
Do you even care...

Sugarcoated Ways
Bleach



It wasnt long ago that Thailand was having political trouble which almost resulted to a civil war. It started in March and went on until this month of May. It was bout two weeks that the situation had escalated which resulted to extreme violence and bloodshed. It is not the intent of this post to talk about what happened, how it happened, and who were responsible. Instead i just want to write about its effect on me being in Thailand for almost seven years now. Thailand made big, disturbing, and painful news. And I, well I have never realized the depth of my attachment to this nation until all that had happened within the last two months. I have come to realize that Thailand has indeed become a second home... I followed the events closely. Visited the site where the demonstrators camped to do some prayer walks only to find out I was short of words to utter. I watched news on TV and read opinions on the internet... wanting to know what to pray for.

I have never been so interested in politics as i have a very limited understanding of it. But Thailand was under severe trial and as an expat who's been trying to learn to speak, read and write the language, understand the culture and adapt those which i think are appropriate or at least I am able to adapt, i knew i had to be aware. I wanted to be relevant... to be able to sympathize with my Thai friends. To let them know I was one with them in their confusions and fear...

That was what was surprising... how subconsciuosly, Thailand has become so much a part of me somehow. Doesnt matter if traffic is so bad and weather too hot almost all year round. [Ok, I'd be such a hypocrite to say that they dont matter... they do matter. But somehow, I am willing to ignore these discomforts if only to keep glued to the task... so help me God.] Cos at the end of the day, i know that at this point of time, I am where i am supposed to be...

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Then yesterday was a Buddhist holiday they call the Visaka Bucha which simultaneously commemorates three important anniversaries in the life of Siddharta Gautama, the Buddha: his birth, his attainment of enlightenment, and his death. As I passed through a temple going home, I saw people at the temple grounds... some offering flowers and incense, some listening to a monk's sermon, and others circling around the main temple for three times.

Then it hit me... how common such religious scene has become to me. Being here for years, everything... sights and sound... has become very ordinary. Passing through a Buddhist temple or Islamic mosques is like passing through a market or mall. Like nothing surprises, amazes or affects me anymore. Like I dont anymore feel the same concern that I have for these people as when I first got here. Numb and uncaring became me... Gone were the days when each visit to a temple or mosque would lead to a whisper of prayer for the people I see. After all, there came a point in my stay here when I myself seemed to have needed the same mercies and compassion like they do. [Of course, I still need God's mercies and compassion, along with all His other attributes everyday.. who doesnt?]

But God's heart for the nations... for every tribe and tongue, remains the same. That the prodigal [like I was] would come home. That the lost sheeps and the lost coins be found. That God's Kingdom would rule and reign in the hearts of men... in the hearts of the Thais. And we, the supposed light and salt, have our parts in this. But we know that already... dont we?

Devastation and Reform

Fear can drive stick
And it's taking me down this road
A road down which I swore I'd never go
And here I sit thinking of God knows what
Afraid to admit I might self-destruct...

Devastation and Reform
Relient K

This is one blog that is actually inspired by a song, the song that was quoted for this article. Normally, I would just write about an idea and then an appropriate song that I can associate it with just comes next. But the song (actually more of like the song title) speaks of common experiences of many believers so I thought of using it as an idea for a blog...

And as I was thinking on what to write about, the word “gremlin” came to mind. Then the movie. It’s about a cute, tiny creature that can become some sort of a midget but mischievous monster when fed after midnight. And it multiplies if it gets wet.

I know a lot of believers whose spiritual growth is almost exponential. Such are some of my friends, people who I work with in the campuses and the sanctuary many years ago. I envy those people. I wish I was like them.

And I also know believers whose growth has been like a wavelength that oscillates up and down, up and down, and up and down again. I am amongst this second group. Tarnished. Wounded. Defeated many times.

How does one hit the bottom? Why do some of us start out like a a mighty oak only to snap like a little twig? Why cant we be like the ones whose growth is almost exponential?

The answers are many and simple. The Book calls them the weeds, the rocky soil, the thorns, the cravings of the carnal nature, the self-destructing pride… the list could go on. These are the big and little imperfections in us that can serve as gremlins, mischievous and dangerous, destroying the spirit and soul of a man. The human nature wages war against the spiritual nature. It’s waiting to be fed. Waiting to plunge itself into the river of worldliness. Waiting to take over and cause destruction to the redeemed, sanctified soul.

So how do we get rid of these gremlins? How are the devilish gremlins in the movie conquered?… by exposing them to light. The gremlins freaks out when they are exposed to light. They can only thrive in dark places.

That’s right… the Light. Light dissipates darkness. Light can scare our demons away. Of course we know who the Light is... The Light of our Salvation.

No matter how devastated we think we are, there is reformation. God in his infinite mercy is always willing to take the prodigal back. Like an eager father waiting for the return of his wayward son. All it takes is a decision to cross-over. Sometimes it’s not easy. Sometimes we feel like we have gone too far to return. But it’s possible. And when it happens, we cant really fully explain how. Maybe we are simply the chosen. Predestined to be in a relatiponship with the Father. I think it’s what they call “grace.” Some undeserved love from a compassionate God.