This Beautiful Mess

im as eloquent, as an elephant
but as headstrong as the mighty king kong
on a rampage, throwing airplanes
i cant believe you haven’t gone away…

i am difficult, argumentative
im as thick skulled as the dinosaur bones
on a display, in a glass cage
i cant believe you haven’t gone away…

"eloquent"
sanctus real

I am eloquent... In a pathetic and arrogant way, that is...

In short, I am flawed… We all are. Only some people are more flawed than others. Humanity tainted by sin. Soaring in pride. Influenced by lust. Caged in envy and hatred. Bound by resentment. And all other possible human indulgences. Engulfed by fear. And pessimism. And lack of faith. I’ve been thru dark places myself. Thru dark alleys and byways. I have tasted poison and carnal potion. I have been a total mess…

I have spent my life in resentment. Resented how life can be chaotic and messy and difficult. Resented every bad decision I made. Resenting why the things that I want to do, those I don’t do. And the things that I ought to do, those I don’t do. Resenting the irony of it all.

Keep asking myself and my Creator, “What if…?” What if I pursued a different path? Would life be so much different? Easier? Happier? Betterer? ^^

All these questionings… All these quests… All these struggle. Will I ever find answers? Why would Yahweh, in his infinite wisdom lead me to a task that he knew for sure that I would screw up? Or am I even called to be here in the fist place? Maybe this, all of this, is just a product of my own delusion… If it was, could I ever go back? Could we have the chance to make things right? And if we could, where do we begin? When time has so passed us by already?

But in the midst of these mess and brokenness there is redemption. There is a light that sheds a canopy of colors. Light so bright it gives you hope. Hope to believe that at the end of a dark night there is a silver lining about to burst.

Like a tapestry still unfinished. Made by the Master’s own hands. There are flaws and imperfections. Yet beautifully and wonderfully made. Like Jacob who lied and deceived and wrestled with the Almighty… Is it even appropriate to reason and wrestle with our Maker? Yet Isaiah heard him say “Come now and let us reason together… Though your sins be like a scarlet, they can be as white as snow…”

Like jars of clay... still in the process of perfection. Messy. Dirty. Dirt, dirt everywhere. But when they get finished, they become beautiful masterpieces. Sold in specialty stores only the rich and the richer can afford.

So we know there is hope. Then you know that God is simply not finished with us yet… and even if we wont find the answers to some of our nagging questions anytime soon, it’s enough to know that we’ll get there someday. This mess we’re in. What we do with it can turn beautiful. What God can do with it can turn to something glorious. So cheers…